I want it but I don’t

I want it but I don’t

Sometimes breastfeeding in older children begins not to be as pleasant as we had imagined

Months have passed. Maybe we started breastfeeding with complications, or maybe not, and our baby has grown and practices a lot of postures while taking the breast. Breastfeeding is more than established and entrenched, but something in us is changing: “Is asking for a tit again?”; “It seems like they are newly born again and demand it all the time”; “At night she wakes up lots of times and I’m exhausted”, …

This can generate breastfeeding agitation and rejection when the child is hooked to the chest. Then the guilt appears (oh guilt, faithful companion in this vital journey called maternity) and also the doubts of continuing with breastfeeding. And the possibility of weaning starts to resonate in our head, but we don’t know if we really want to do it or how to put it into practice. At the same time we want to continue with breastfeeding, but this means to assume that the baby is no longer a baby, that it is all over. And then what ¡!!?

We are in a contradictory and disconcerting situation: We want to breastfeed, but there are moments that we do not want to.

Many times breastfeeding goes on for months, even years …and without even thinking about it, we still keep breastfeeding. Other times it is a thoughtful decision and we have achieved what we had set out to do. We have overcome glances, rejections and derogatory comments from people who give opinions about others, and the advice of out of date ‘professionals’ in breastfeeding, to continue to give tithe beyond the socially established and accepted.

And here we are, with a doubt inside us: do we continue with the tit or do we start to wean? But there is no clear answer, because there are many reasons on both sidesr: our reasons, our dreams, our animality, our motherhood, our experience. So, leave the guilt parked. Whatever it is that we decide, that is what makes us happy. Many times we can stay in this indecision for years: we are in a state of whatever has to be it will be. Other times, we end up finishing this lactation stage . Whatever we do, let it be a respectful decision with ourselves. It is important to take care of ourselves, so that we can respect ourselves to be able to care and respect our children. Whatever we do will be fine.

 

Núria Andújar

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