Mothers are told over and over again that breastfeeding needs to be offered on demand.

What does this mean? Every time babies ask for or seem to want breast milk, you give them access to your breast so they can feed for as long as they need and as many times as they need, without any limits.

What demand for breastfeeding can you expect from your baby?

The expectations of breastfeeding demand you might have before becoming a mother are very different from the reality you may find later when you already have your baby in your arms. And you will see that demand is much higher than you ever imagined.

Coincidentally, the baby from that other mother down the road always sleeps better, feeds less often, gets fuller, and puts on weight at a better pace. A baby’s demand for breastfeeding can be very high: sometimes, it is just bearable, and other times, it is to get desperate.

Some mothers, especially during some stages of breastfeeding, have to respond to a very high demand from the baby, which can be high during the day and during the night. And this can be exhausting.

Let’s try to answer some questions about this baby behavior, to see if we can provide some help to those mothers who find themselves in this situation right now:

Why should breastfeeding be done on demand?

From the culture of formula feeding, we have imported schedules and routines into breastfeeding. With formula milk products that were on the market years ago, it made sense that babies take a certain amount at certain times because this milk was difficult to digest and very heavy on babies’ stomachs.

Doctors used to prescribe “formula”, referring to the amount of milk and the hours that had to pass between every bottle.

The mammary gland needs to tune in with the baby’s needs in order to respond to their demands. In this way, the mechanism runs smoothly; babies can regulate the food they need, and the mammary gland responds to this need for food by increasing or decreasing supply.

Any interference in that regulation process affects a mother’s milk supply and the baby who cannot adjust the amount of milk they need.

Although some babies can learn to cope with scheduled feeding where breastfeeding can work, most of the time, the mechanism breaks down, and the breastfeeding journey ends early.

Is an increase in breastfeeding demand a “breastfeeding crisis”?

Some breastfeeding crises or growth spurts are associated with increased demand, while others are not. When talking about a breastfeeding crisis, we refer to a time period when most babies are hungrier or have a greater need to latch on to the breast.

There are other increases in breastfeeding demand which are not related to a breastfeeding crisis. Babies may ask for breastfeeding when they are not feeling well, are nervous, or feel that something strange is going on in their daily lives. When talking about increased demand, we mean any situation in which babies show a greater need to breastfeed and change the frequency of feeds to which the mother was used.

Do you always need to breastfeed on demand?

In another article, we discussed normal breastfeeding demand, where we explained that breastfeeding is not always done on the baby’s demand. In general, though, it should be. The exception is in certain circumstances where the mother should be the one to offer the breast to the baby proactively. In other words, the mother should be the one to set a “minimum” demand.

This is the case when a baby does not gain weight or is premature or sick; then it is very important that the mother sets the demand proactively and, if the baby is not able to breastfeed, gives additional feeds of her milk (supplementing).

What if my baby does not demand often enough to breastfeed? What can I do?

Sometimes, newborn babies sleep a lot and don’t feed enough, and in these cases, it is a good idea to use the clock and time feeds. Yes, it has been said that the watch is the enemy of breastfeeding, but in these cases, it can even be your best friend.

A baby that does not feed and only sleeps is a baby that does not gain weight or even lose weight.

Keeping feeds under control until these babies gain weight and are able to demand feeds on their own is essential if we want things to go well. Then, once they have regained their birth weight or are capable of waking up and ask to be fed on their own, the watch will no longer be necessary.

What’s the reason for an increase in demand?

When a baby first breaks their usual feeding pattern, you might be surprised. And it doesn’t go unnoticed because then the baby seems to want to be attached to the breast all the time.

For babies less than 15 days old, first of all, we must assess if weight gain is appropriate. Many babies suckle a lot and only get little milk, but they continue to ask for it constantly, put their hands to their mouths, and never seem to be full.

If weight gain is ok or the baby is older, then we can see whether this increase in demand could be due to a growth spurt and check if it could be a breastfeeding crisis.

Secondly, consider whether your baby may have any physical discomfort, such as a blocked nose, pain, or digestive problems. It is best to see a pediatrician and have your baby examined to rule out these problems.

If you still don’t find the cause of this increased demand, you could see whether there is something new in the baby’s daily life that may be causing concern and is more nervous because of this: the start of daycare or nursery, separation from you because of getting back to work, a change of habits and so on.

Is there a breastfeeding demand that is not normal?

An increase in demand for breastfeeding, that breaking the usual feeding pattern of a baby, and where you have the feeling that you don’t do anything else, but breastfeeding may be normal if they are during a breastfeeding crisis. But this is never normal if a baby, even when spending so much time attached to your breast, does not gain weight properly.

Should anything seem unusual, make sure you find a breastfeeding support group or IBCLC lactation consultant and/or see your pediatrician so they can check your baby.

Any other ideas on how to cope?

Patience, knowledge of what is going on, and support and help.

Be patient because you are not going to do anything else but breastfeed.

Knowledge: understand what is happening, be confident that it will end, and know that you are helping your baby get through this bad time.

Support: ask for and accept help from your partner, family, and friends to take care of you so that you can take care of your baby.