One of the things we don’t expect when we think about weaning is that it can trigger so many emotions in ourselves and our children. And yes, weaning can be a hotspot of many feelings that arise before, during, and after the weaning process. These feelings don’t just affect us; they can also influence our baby’s behavior, which can be very scary.

Let’s talk about it!

When starting to think about weaning

When you start thinking about weaning, when you see that perhaps the time is coming closer to stop breastfeeding, then many different feelings and emotions can appear.

You may feel guilty for wanting to take away something that your baby loves so much: “How can I take it away from her if she is happy breastfeeding?”

Contradictory feelings are so common at this stage. It is normal that there are moments when you are absolutely sure that you want to wean, and you want to do it immediately. And then, a few hours later, your child asks you for breastfeeding; you look at her and say to yourself: “How can I think about weaning? We are doing great!” When you start having these feelings, this is a very good first sign to start reading and informing yourself about the weaning process, so when the urge to continue disappears, you are prepared.

Another feeling that can come up is breastfeeding aversion, which is a feeling of emotional rejection towards our child. This feeling of rejection usually appears when a mother is pregnant and breastfeeding, when tandem breastfeeding, or when the child is no longer so small. It is a very unpleasant feeling that no one talks about, and that can make you feel like the worst mother in the world, as it makes you want to wean as soon as possible.

You may also feel sad for a variety of reasons: perhaps you are forced to wean, you can’t continue because you can’t combine your work with breastfeeding, you are trying to get pregnant again and want your period to come back, you have to undergo treatments that are not compatible with breastfeeding or because it’s your last breastfeeding journey and so on.

Fear also appears in this process when we think about weaning, “How will I do it?” “How will she sleep without breastfeeding?” “What should I do first?” “What if I don’t manage to do it?”. But armed with good information, you can win over your fear.

Remember that positive emotions can also exist, and they are just as valid. You might feel happy about weaning, looking forward to it, feeling capable, having the tools, and ready for it. Of course you are!

During the weaning process

Once you have started the weaning process, many of the emotions you had when you were planning for it come up again, but they can feel even more intense now.

Frustration appears when you don’t see progress in the process or when you feel that you don’t have valid and personalized tools to follow through. So it’s important to ask for help or guidance in the same way as perhaps you did at the beginning of your breastfeeding journey; getting help now is equally important.

Anger and disappointment may appear, but not always, when you feel that your partner or family members don’t help or don’t help in the way you expected. When, for example, they give you an understanding that this is your problem for having wanted to start breastfeeding. When your partner does not want to get involved in night weaning or does not even want to listen to what he should do to calm the baby without you. These feelings and situations interfere a lot with the weaning process, which is usually complicated in itself.

And yes, sadness can be part of the process. Either for seeing your breastfeeding journey come to an end or for the child’s reactions in the process. It isn’t easy for your little one either, and depending on their age, they will also be angry, sad, or may even ignore you. All of this also gives way to feelings of fear: “Is it always going to be like this?” “Am I going to lose the bond or attachment I have with my child?”

But no, none of this will happen. The bond or attachment you have with your children is independent of breastfeeding. Breastfeeding has helped the process, but that bond and attachment are with you, and it will get back to normal. They also have the right to show their emotions. If your child is 2 years old or older, it is a very good time to start working on their emotional intelligence during weaning and name the emotions they are likely to feel.

And then again, you can feel good without negative feelings about the weaning process. You can have positive emotions and feelings, feel empowered and brave, and feel you are in control of the situation and achieving what you want to do.

After weaning is completed

When you have finished weaning, you might think that the emotions will be all positive, and this happens in most mothers, but we would also like to warn you that feelings of grief can appear when breastfeeding comes to an end. A feeling that something is missing, that you have lost something, that you are sad, or that you can’t stop thinking about breastfeeding again. You could even think it has been a mistake, like an unexpected end, which is not uncommon. And many women experience this for a couple of weeks and then gradually overcome it.

Being familiar with the common feelings that can come up during the weaning phase can help you get back to normal and cope better with this stage. Even so, if you feel overwhelmed by these feelings, it can be a good idea to seek help from a psychologist specializing in perinatal maternal health. This will allow you to feel supported throughout the weaning process.

What about you? What stage are you at, and how do you feel?