Miscarriage, stillbirth, and bereaved breastfeeding. This week is baby loss awareness week, and you may be wondering what baby and pregnancy loss grief has to do with breastfeeding… Well, a lot.

When the placenta separates from the womb, breast milk supply begins. And this happens always, no matter what happened to the baby. But our body does not understand death; it does not seem to contemplate that option. This is why breast milk still appears after the death of a baby. And it can awaken many feelings. It reminds of what could not be, reminds that everything was real, that your baby existed, and that, unfortunately, all your expectations were shattered.

Until a few years ago, there was practically no sensitivity to this issue; women were not given appropriate information about their breast milk coming in and its management in the event of baby loss.

Women who had experienced this bitter process were often given medication to try to stop the onset of milk supply, regardless of their wishes. Fortunately, in recent years, awareness of pregnancy and baby loss and breast milk management has increased, and women are offered a choice so they can decide what happens to the breast milk that was intended for their child.

What are the options on what to do with my breast milk?

Women experience mature breast milk coming in even in early miscarriages, sometimes as early as 12-15 weeks of pregnancy. Therefore, it is good to take some time and consider what you want to do with it:

• Trying to suppress it with medication: A medication is given in an attempt to lower the prolactin in the blood and thus prevent breast milk supply.
• Physiological gradual suppression: Perform breast milk extractions by hand or pump to reduce milk supply for a few days until it no longer causes you any discomfort.
• Donate your breast milk, either to a hospital human milk bank or to another mother: this is also an option to consider. More and more human milk banks are now accepting colostrum or breast milk from mothers whose babies have died. This makes the process very symbolic: the breast milk that was intended for your baby now nourishes and protects other babies. Private donations are also an option. Some women give their babies’ milk to the babies of other friends or someone they know who may need it.

Choosing what you want to do is up to you and depends on your needs and feelings.

If I take medication to cut the breast milk, then my milk won’t come in, right?

If you are given medication to suppress milk production in the hours after giving birth, you may not experience the milk coming in. But if you take the medication days or weeks after the birth of your baby, then they may not be effective anymore.

In both situations, no matter how much time has passed since giving birth, it is important that even if you did take this medication, you still learn about how to suppress and reduce breast milk production naturally in a physiologic way.

What are the measures to physiologically stop lactation?

Milk supply is based on milk removal: the more milk you remove, the more milk is produced. If some milk remains in the breast, the body will adjust and reduce production. Even if you choose to take medication to stop your milk supply, you should also know the physiological way of suppressing lactation:

• Remove some breast milk whenever you feel it necessary: either by hand or with a breast pump, express small amounts of milk to relieve the tension or pain that may be caused by the milk coming in. There is no set amount of milk you should remove, the amount will be however much allows you to feel more comfortable at the end of the process. Every day, you will need to remove a smaller amount of milk and try to space these extractions until you do not feel uncomfortable anymore.
• Apply cold to your breasts: if your breasts are swollen or you have breast engorgement, applying cold will help you to make this less painful.
• Anti-inflammatory medication: These will help you to relieve the pain in your breasts, and they will be less painful when you have to do milk removals.

With these measures, within about a week to a week and a half, your breast milk supply will decrease, and you should not experience any pain.

I have been told that I should bandage my breasts and not remove any breast milk. Is this true?

Bandage your breasts, forbid breast milk removal, and stop drinking fluids are all outdated recommendations. They could work, but at the cost of causing a lot of real pain, which undoubtedly adds to all the emotional pain caused by the death of your baby. Physiological suppression of lactation, as explained above, is a much gentler way and can also effectively reduce milk supply.

Can I do some kind of ritual with my breast milk?

Of course, the breast milk is yours, and it is a reminder of what has happened. The milk you produce can help you to connect with this reality at a time when you will probably be in shock because of what has happened. In the grieving process, breast milk can play a very important role:

• You can remove your milk and keep it for as long as you like
• You can remove your milk and throw it away
• You can remove it and keep it to make a piece of milk jewelry.
• You can express it and pour it into the ground, or into a tree, or a plant.
• You can do whatever you want with your breastmilk. There is no right or wrong.

I still don’t know what I want to do with this breast milk

You don’t need to decide immediately. If you are not sure what you want to do with your breast milk, you can do what you feel with each quantity you remove: maybe you just want to store a little bit of it, or just for a few days, or you don’t want to do anything with it yet. Give yourself the time and the moment will come when you will know what to do.