It seems that the dad method is becoming popular in many areas of parenting: weaning, stopping co-sleeping, night wake-ups, and so on. And it has become very common among groups of mothers. We call it the dad method, but here we refer to all partners of the mother.

The dad method consists of having the father or partner intervene in whatever situation you are dealing with and help you to achieve it, for example, to help you achieve night weaning. What happens is that the idea of having the father/partner take charge of such an intense moment after many months of bad nights of sleep is very tempting. However, pretending it is simple, without some previous conditions, is a utopia: “the utopia of the dad method.”

What is the purpose of the Dad Method?

The dad method is mostly used for night weaning toddlers from about one year of age onwards. The problem comes when it is recommended, like a prescription: “From now on, you put the baby to sleep next to the dad, and when they wake up, he will calm your child down instead of you.” It sounds easy, right?

And does it work?

This is the core of the matter.
When, after 1, 2 or 3 years of breastfeeding during the night, with more or less wake-ups, a family sets out to implement the Dad Method, they should take into account certain premises. Without planning it before, you will only get nervous, frustrated, and angry. Why? Because it simply won’t work that way.

The Dad Method will never work if the father/partner has never been physically and emotionally involved in the baby’s bedtimes and/or daytime for some time before, and the longer, the better.

So, how do you do this?

As the name suggests, this method involves making a plan with time and perspective to achieve it.
Let’s see the practical aspects:

• The emotional bond cannot be created in a couple of days, and breastfeeding is a unique tool. You should keep that in mind.
• That the child does not conform to the change immediately is the most natural thing to happen, no matter how much of a bond and patience there is.
• You need to be aware of the stage that your child is in. It is clear that there is never going to be a good moment because if children have not given up breastfeeding by themselves, it means that you will “force a situation,” and that always takes a while. But, even knowing this, keep in mind that it’s not the same to try weaning when your child has a cold/blocked nose/is teething, then during the mother’s return to work, during some holidays, in the middle of the two-year breastfeeding crisis and so on.
• For the dad/partner to be involved in the method, he must be present during the breastfeeding journey, here are some examples of “being involved”:

1. During some feeds, the dad or partner can be with you, close by, looking at the baby, caressing them, or whispering to your child.
2. When it is time to put the baby to sleep, the dad or partner should not just change the diaper or bath and leave the room but lie down with the mother and baby and be there.
3. Sleep next to the baby from the beginning (if you are co-sleeping) and be proactive when they wake up. This does not mean to substitute breastfeeding for daddy from the beginning, but when the child has already had a feed, the dad can participate with caresses, songs, cradling, and so on during one, several, or some nighttime wake-ups. This allows the baby to associate the father/partner with sleep and the mother will be able to rest a little.
4. Babywearing as a habit: walking with the baby in a sling or baby carrier from the beginning. Babywearing is an excellent way for fathers and partners to relate to their baby: body, smell, voice, look… it’s wonderful, and super practical. It’s always a good time to gift the dad a baby carrier that fits his needs if he doesn’t already have one.

When you decide to carry out the Dad Method, all of the above should already be part of the family’s life. If it is not, you should begin to introduce these things little by little so the child and the father/partner can find their own resources to relate beyond play, bathing, transportation, or food.

It’s also essential not to force the situation, and this does not mean that when the baby makes the first fuss, the little one will quickly be returned to the mother. This means that it’s ideal to start with short and simple periods of time and when the child starts to complain. You can use resources such as babywearing or play to try to calm the child without the mother “interfering” so they learn how to relate to each other.

If it does not work and the baby gets angry beyond that, the mother’s intervention is welcome, but it’s important to leave room for maneuver and space for the relationship. And, if it has to be that way in the end, dad should not leave the scene, but stay close, smile, breathe and talk to the child until they calm down, even if it is in the mother’s arms or at the mom’s breast.

When all these premises have been in place for a month and the child begins to accept daddy at night and so on, then it’s time to try the Dad Method:

1. Explain to the baby, a week or 15 days in advance, that nighttime breastfeeding is going to end. You can do it with stories, special children’s books that are available or other options or however you think is more convenient.
2. Both of you tell your little one that when they wake up there will be no more breastfeeding and that daddy will be there to calm the child.
3. If you think that the “mother’s scent” is counterproductive, she can go to sleep for a few days in another room; otherwise, if she is not next to the baby in bed, it will be enough.
4. When the child wakes up, the dad or partner will take care of them. Depending on the age, the child may get upset. It’s okay, it’s frustration and it’s not toxic. You have to name the emotions and be creative with resources: walks, music, stories, water, milk, hugs, and whatever it takes. Obviously, you will be the ones who will be there, and you will know when it is time for Mom to join the scene. Remember that babies don’t manipulate anyone, on the contrary, they just demands what they need and it is the parents who must give them tools and resources so that they learn how to relax in other ways, with patience and time passing. At the next wake-up, you will try again, and that’s ok.
5. Keep in mind that the baby may be hungry or thirsty because they are used to breastfeed, so offering them food or drink is not a bad thing. Also, depending on the child’s age, before starting, dad and baby can go to buy a “cool cup” as a lucky item for the nights to come.
6. Try to start the method on a Friday or when a vacation is coming up so you can spend the day relaxed and without the pressure of work.
7. The first days can be hard for everyone, try to find balance during the day through games, lots of contact and stories like about emotions soy they can be able to name the emotions that may arise.
8. Keep in mind that ending breastfeeding does not mean the end of nighttime wake-ups. Infant sleep is a maturing process, and each child has their own rhythm.

The Dad Method is an excellent resource to start with nighttime weaning, and ideally, it can be combined with many other resources. We could call it the “family weaning method,” where close family and friends all collaborate proactively in such an important stage as the end of nighttime breastfeeding.