Babies are born to breastfeed, and breastmilk is their basic and primary food in their first two years of life. Therefore, it is not normal or would not be appropriate for a baby to stop breastfeeding on their own before their first birthday.

Here, we are not talking about a conscious decision to stop breastfeeding made by the mother, but rather a breastfeeding refusal by the baby. We cannot repeat enough that breastfeeding is a matter of two, mother and child. If a baby refuses the breast and the mother wants to stop breastfeeding, this would be the ideal time to do so. But considering that the baby is still an infant, infant milk will still be their main food, and in the absence of breastmilk, commercial formula milk is the most suitable alternative.

If a baby refuses the breast, but the mother is not yet ready or doesn’t want to stop breastfeeding, these are the leading causes of early weaning from breastfeeding by babies and how to deal with them:

• Not enough information about the evolution of breastfeeding: sometimes it is wrongly believed that as a baby grows, the number of times a mother breastfeeds should decrease, and some “recommend” spacing out feeds more or even suggest restricting them to 4 or 5 feeds throughout 24 hours, which implies stopping night feeds altogether. We now know through research that these outdated recommendations are a mistake. Babies continue to need frequent feedings throughout the first and second years without trying to impose the routine of 5 daily meals of a typical adult. A mother who follows these old suggestions can provoke, sometimes unintentionally, early weaning. Your milk supply decreases if you limit yourself to giving your baby fewer feeds or stop breastfeeding at night. So, a baby can refuse breastfeeding because they don’t find enough milk anymore.
• Stopping to feed at night: When your baby feeds at night, they don’t do so to tease you or to not let you sleep intentionally. Of course, it is not easy to juggle breastfeeding at night and the demands of returning to paid work, but babies need these night feeds to maintain a good milk supply. Those night feeds are like ordering food for the next day: if they feed at night, good milk production for the next day is assured.
• Introducing solid foods too early: when a baby starts with solid foods, some suggest “give them breast milk for dessert”. The solid food offered to the baby complements the milk, but it does not substitute or even eliminate the need for milk. Sometimes certain “suggested” amounts of food intake are simply too much food, and so it is possible that the baby has been forced to eat too many solids and will no longer have room for milk when offering the breast.

On the other hand, there are also situations in which babies can stop breastfeeding unexpectedly which can cause unwanted early weaning:

• The baby is ill: maybe a runny nose, cold sores in the mouth, constipation, or an earache. Your baby can refuse breastfeeding if the movement of feeding or the milk, in case of cold sores, causes them pain.
• Angry: yes, babies do get angry, too. Especially older ones and when, for example, their mother goes to work and “leaves” them (they feel that way), they get angry and show it to their mothers when they come back home. They then refuse to breastfeed, and depending on the level of anger, this can take longer or shorter to settle.
• A scare: It is also common for a baby to get a scare whilst breastfeeding, either because they have bitten the mother and are frightened by her sudden scream or because something has happened at home while feeding, like a sudden noise. Therefore, it can be a few days or weeks for a baby not to want to breastfeed anymore since they associate this fright with the action of breastfeeding.

How to get back to breastfeeding again

Often, we won’t be able to know what has actually happened, but we do know that early weaning is not the biological norm, and if you want to continue with breastfeeding, there are some tricks you can use to try and get a second chance.

Co-sleeping: sleeping with your baby nearby encourages them to breastfeed. If your baby is angry or in pain, it will be easier to breastfeed when they are half asleep than when they are awake.

Laugh: getting the baby to laugh out loud makes them go into an “automatic mode” and many times after a session of intense laughter they get back to breastfeeding again.

Going to a breastfeeding support group: The principle here is “I want what I see”. Watching other babies breastfeed can encourage yours to find their way back to your breast.

A soaking bath (the least ecological option): fill the bathtub, put on relaxing music, dim the light and relax. Being calm, relaxed, and close together can help getting babies back to breastfeed again.

What NOT to do

On the other hand, there are things you should definitely not do, if you try to achieve to breastfeed again, since they can be counterproductive and even make a baby’s refusal worse:

Do not try to force your baby to breastfeed: Often, simply trying to bring the baby closer to the breast or bringing them into a breastfeeding position this can cause them to react badly and get even angrier.

Refusing them food: if the baby is older or already eating solids, stopping to offer any food or refusing to give them food will definitely not work to get them back to breastfeeding.

Insisting and constantly over-offering the breast may also increase their refusal; it is better to be subtle and try to “seduce” the baby than to be too pushy.

It is important to note that, as we said at the beginning, milk should be the main food for any baby during their first year of life. Therefore, if a baby doesn’t breastfeed for days, it is best to offer them hand expressed or pumped breast milk or, failing that, commercial formula milk.

Do you have any more questions?

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